Car accident

I had quite a major car accident one 21st Sept 2015, just 2 days ago. I was really shocked and traumatized by what happened.. And first thought that come to me is that I'm really v unlucky these few months.. But I also know that everything happened for a reason, and I prayed to know the reason soon. Because I felt really bad at what happened. But everyone who was involved in the accident was really kind and loving.. Even my husband whose car had to be sent to the workshop was telling and consoling me that it's okie.. He is not angry and in fact, keep trying to cheer me up. The uncle and auntie from the opposite car was smiling and saying bye bye to me.. It was really kind of them although I did give them a lot of trouble.. Even the bus uncle that I hit was smiling and saying it's okie, only a small scratch, but had to wait for the company to come and validate. The traffic policeman who came down helped me to explain to our IO. And he was v kind to me as well. Even our IO personally sent a SMS to me to remind me to make the police report and telling me how he understood as a father that leg cramps for pregnant woman are totally understandable. My hubby and I were so touched by his concern and gesture! The next day when I was at the car garage, I saw how amazing my hubby was with everyone... And how everyone loved him. And everyone was really nice to me as well because of the way he is with them. Love was just flowing everywhere~

Fast forward 2 days later.. I came back to office because I was afraid that I don't have enough leave days, although I have been given a week's mc by the doctor from mount alvernia. It was a good decision to come back, because many of my colleagues showered me with concern. I never felt more loved and accepted (even when I did something wrong) in these couple of months than now. Now I completely know why the accident happened.. Its for me to see how much love I have around me.. And to open the door of my heart and to let it all flow in. To me, this accident now feels more like a miracle. How everyone can be so loving towards me even during an accident. It's really unbelieveable. And I know that Buddha and Guanyin and my guardian angels have protected me as well because just during the trip back from work, there was a short pause during the drive and I somehow decided to put on the ikea clip on my seat belt so it won't keep pulling on my stomach. And when the accident happened, the seat belt didn't pull at my stomach one bit. And the air bag did not inflat as all. Even the paramedics was asking about it. It was lucky it was after a right-turn so the impact was relatively light. Thank you Buddhas, Boddisativas and guardian angels that protected me and my baby Tara from harm from this accident. I really give thanks and gratitude. From the bottom of my heart. Thank you everyone. 

To add on, 26th Sept 2015, I just wrote in my gratitude journal- 

Daniel has been so supportive during this period of time, he is simply amazing and I begin to see him in a different light.. Not that he wasn't good before, but even better.. Both our families were also v forgiving and accepting of my mistake. It has been an amazing journey. The doors of my loving heart finally opened during this incident.. :) 

Teal Swan and picking up others energy

While I was listening to her YouTube about her workshop, there was a case where the guy is an empath and physic, and Teal Swan was too. Initially I was envious of them both having such strong reception towards other people's feelings. And thinking how an asshole I was to totally ignore and offend ppl around me all the time. But I suddenly realised that I have been picking up people's vibrations as well. I'm not like them where I'm directly receptive and recieving them clearly, but I pick up on people vulnerabilities, and I usually don't know how to react. I just realised that my habitual way denying pain is to cover up with anger. So I lashe out at them, telling them to do it a certain way. Of coz, that always backfires. Ya.. We all know that right? 

Like recently my batch girls and I have a pretty serious conversation on the sg general election. And one of my batch girl was complaining the hell out of our govt continuously for 3 days.. And I got really frustrated and said how complaining makes one a victim and vulnerable. Honestly I can't stand hearing a victim continuously complaining. And I react in anger. I guess everyone has different way to handling things.. Anger is more like my habitual reaction. And it comes from my family and I know it. 

And of coz she din recieve it well. After wards, I felt terrible. But also indignant. But suddenly while watching Teal Swan's workshop, I realised that I was clearly picking up on her pain and victim mode, and I just decided to give her advice without her wanting it. Wow. I tot I was being an asshole. Clearly I don't know how to execute it in a way where it's recieved well. Perhaps I really need to chant more om mani padme hung to have more loving kindness. 

This is the YouTube link: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ib9OyTu8OcU

Ultimate surrender

The ultimate surrender is to stop living in the past or future, stop yearning for the approval of others, and stop trying to control and situation. Simply experience it instead. This is a profound transformational shift because the ego doesn't know how to do this, and maybe never will. The highest form of surrender is when you free yourself from your ego perceptions and experience life from the full vantage point of your Spirit. Because you are only temporarily in a physical form, death to this form is inevitable. The ego game is to pretend that it won't happen, but this takes you away from fully living and enjoying life.

Accepting death is the ultimate surrender and the highest form of transformation to Spirit. We have no choice. But when we accept death to the best of our ability, we are given the most powerful gift of life-the freedom to fully live as our authentic selves.

Negative thoughts - Breathe

If you are experiencing particularly intense emotions (such as fear, anger, insecurity, sadness, or anxiety), simply keep breathing and see how breath and awareness affect them. Do not act on the energies engulfing you; remember to just observe. Notice that with each inhale and exhale, you are putting more space and light between yourself and these intense thoughts and feelings.

Do this for a minimum of three to five minutes (ten if possible). This is usually enough time to break free if the trance of the ego patterns. The quiet observer is your Spirit. With each breath of awareness, you'll realise how much stronger, brighter, and more powerful your Spirit becomes. Each breath ushers in more space and light, releasing you from the grip of negativity. 

By practicing observant awareness everyday for a few minutes, you'll develop an automatic response to detach and expand into Spirit rather than contract and engage negative energies as they arise. Be patient in the beginning. Shifting from ego to Spirit takes time. Your responses won't change overnight, but with consistent practice you'll see a difference in about 40 days. (A 40-day duration is mentioned many times throughout the Bible and represents a full season or cycle of change. In practicing for a full 40 days, you override your old patterns and establish a new imprint from an unconscious, ego-centered, disempowered mode of living to a Spirit-centered, conscious-choice-directed mode of living.) 

When the shift to Spirit does begin, you'll experience a remarkable liberation from being unconsciously controlled by unwanted ego patterns. The more you apply observant breath to your thoughts, the more quickly you will break free from unproductive negative thoughts and enter the clear, expanded, creative space of your Spirit. 

"Oh, would that my mind could let fall it's dead ideas, as the tree does it's withers leaves!" - Andre Gide

Emotional release from my parents

Quickly after my marriage, I got pregnant, and it was such a joy to know because we both were worried if we could have a baby easily. 3 months into my pregnancy, I began to hope for a boy, whereas my hubby preferred a girl. First scan showed signs of a boy's genitals. We were overjoyed. But it's short-lived as one week later, my blood test showed it's a female baby. I was disappointed. And to the point where all the stress I have been handling on the fact that "I'm having a boy" as holding up, crashes tumbling down. I cried for 2 whole hours, feeling v sad that it's not a boy. And other stress factors that my female friends were simultaneously giving me. But strangely at the same time, I felt a release of sadness and non-worth that I haven't felt in a long time. After the trigger, during our next check up, when the doc confirmed it's a baby girl, one more time I shed tears. Both times actually took me by surprise. Because I knew I wanted a boy, but I never knew that I WANTED IT SO MUCH. And why? There are various reasons but I can't put a finger to why I would react so big. I began to look back to my parents for any heditery insights. And rem that my mom used to tell me how she wanted to abort me because she did not want another child and how my father detested me because I was not a boy. Both these 2 feelings, of not being a boy; and sense of no-worth, was apparent in my 2 sessions of crying release. Each time after I cried, I felt better immediately. I think it's a release of emotions from my babyhood. I do hope I do not pass these emotions down to my beloved baby girl. So I'm trying to clear my emotions blockages as much as I can during this period of time. 

Emergence of the Divine Child

Right now I'm reading this book, Emergence of the Divine Child. Maybe this book is what I really need now, to put my perspective back into order. In this chaos and emotional ride, I know a new change is coming, and a big final one. 

Although life's lessons will never finish, I know with this I will cross a boundary that I have never cross before. And with excitement I wait. :) 

Relax and energy meditation

I chanced a very nice paragraph in Barbarajian. 

"Relax your body and clear your mind. Imagine a pillar of light flowing through your body and sending light fibers into Earth.

Picture these fibers being pulled down into Earth, moving through dirt and worms and other creatures, and passing through layers of soil, rock, water, minerals, crystals, and gold. Your fibers are going down very far. They are looking for a vein of gold, so continue to send them down until you feel that the taproot of your fibers has touched a vein of gold deep, deep in Earth - an ancient vein. Notice what it feels like.

Gold transmits a certain frequency. It is very deeply connected with the force and vibration you describe as love, the connective energy that supports all things. The gold and crystals inside Earth move this consciousness through Earth like your veins move blood through your body. Many creatures know about these veins and use them.

Do a very low, deep toning into the fibers of light that extend into Earth. Rumble and stabilize the light, sending energy along the vein of gold so that it travels around a core layer of Earth. Know that your sound is going to stabilize something deep within the core of Earth. Even in her heart, Earth will always recognize you and know who you are.

Once you have stabilized the taproot, create a higher pitched toning to extend a dome of light above where you are. This dome is an umbrella of energy under which you are currently being inspired. Picture a violet-blue twilight tone inside the dome, which is being showered with white moonlight on the outside.

Everything that you think, you energize into form.

So please, dear friend, free yourself from burdens and re-imagine Earth as a splendid place within existence. See yourself dwelling in harmony amidst the splendor."

Everything happens for a reason.

There are 3 sides to each story, yours, mine and the Truth.