Lesson that I learnt from Trading - I can't handle my fear

Recently, I was out of a job, my previous company went bankrupt, and I got a contract job that promised to turn me into a permanent job soon, but it didn't materialize either, so I told myself that I would just try to go into trading.

So these couple of weeks I just went into contra trading. And I lost terribly in it.
Whilst losing money, I finally realized some things about myself.
Its really all over my life, as I begin to see, but its really apparent when it comes to trading - money.

1) I can't deal with my fear to think rationally.
2) I don't have enough faith in divine help.

So many times, I always go to one of the websites to look for help (its a divine lot website, I always believe the truly sincere can definitely get help from divine on all matters). And several times, during the contra trade, I would ask for advice. This particular trade yesterday, I bought in at $0.570 on Monday. But it begin dropping on Tuesday. I drew a lot, and on the money part, it says - "You won't be much affected, and if you are hoping to make big buck out of it, you won't be able to make much out of it though."

So I thought, maybe then I can at least sell at $0.575, meaning I only earn $40 after the contra money.
(At least this part I did decipher correctly)

Then it suddenly dropped to $0.555, and lower.. I tried to go chanting to distract myself from selling it and making a loss. Halfway through the chanting, the immense fear of losing a big bulk of my savings came.. I can't handle it, I actually stopped my chanting halfway, and made a beeline for the internet. Once I saw the price dropped to $0.545 $0.550, I panicked and got angry and cut everything. Realizing my loss of $560, including my trading fees.

And the very next day, this particular counter went right back up to $0.575 $0.580.

And I thought, wow the lot is really accurate.
But I didn't have enough faith to hold through.

And I stopped my chanting to cut my losses. I can't deal with my fear and have a leap of faith.

So after these few weeks of contra trading, I have decided to go back to my long term investing.
Anyways, my first lot about my contra trading is an analogy to a person who is wealthy and retired, but decided to open a restaurant with a group of friends because of the boredom of retirement. And in the end his money is all cheated. And he lives with regret.

自足常乐。 That's what's the lot is all about. :)