I just realised today how important a mother is to a baby. Not just it's material needs but also to the brain development and how she will grow to the rest of her life. I have known for quite some time that our subconscious from birth (actually from pregnancy) onwards forms of subconscious. And whatever habits it's formed. It will carry throughout adulthood. Today I just learnt that indeed that is the case! Really.
Because I brought my baby to the playground to play with this lovely mother of an adopted daughter and another child that she is babysitting, age about the same as my girl. Today, she told me that her husband noticed that my girl has lack of communication. She explained that communication can help with the learning curve of the child. Actually I have noticed this too, and have told my hubby and my mom about it. She and her husband latertold me in more details, that I have to keep repeating myself , and try and let her communicate with me. Communication, as in 2 way. Let her express herself and what she is want and constantly teach her the same things over and over again so she can learn to pick up and express the same thing I am teaching her. I noticed the baby girl that she is helping to take care can say many things. And express herself well. She said that Tara is still very much in her own world now and doesn't communicate that much with people. Which in a way I can see the difference between the girl and Tara.
Then I commented several times that my hubby is also the same. He is constantly in his own world. He doesn't know how to communicate and doesn't reply much.
Suddenly, I got an insight!!
When he was young of all the 3 sons, he was taken care by my mil the most. My mil was not one to communicate. She had some hearing problem and old traditional type of thinking. Those that will leave baby to rest on bed all the time while she watch tv. I sprained my hand when my baby was 2 months old, and she leave baby on bed all the time. Until she had flat head for a period of time. And I went back to work for 3 month, when my baby was 6 months old to 9 months old, my baby was in her care most of the time. What she did was to put baby in playpen. From morning to night. She played in there, when poo or need to change diaper, my mil will change or bathe her, and simply put her back there again. 3 months later, from a cheerful baby, she became non-smiling baby, and doesn't not respond to us anymore when we played with her. She totally lost her playful self. I was shocked. And I told my husband. He was also very surprised. Our baby was a super cheerful baby that already know how to play hide and seek since 3-4 months old. Suddenly she stopped responding and stop playing with us. I was shocked and worried at the same time. That was when she was around 8 months old. I happened to quit my job when she was 9 months old (means it's been 3 months in my mil care) and it took me close to 2 months of constantly playing with her to get her back to her old happy and playful self again. This period of time has always been the back of my mind. I wonder why. Because my Mother din play with her? Or what? After today spontaneous teaching by my Friend at the playground, I suddenly realised. This is due to the lack of communication my baby needs for 3 crucial months of her babyhood!! For 3 straight months, she was taught no need to communicate. Since my mil kept watching drama series and just let her play on her own, and babies forget really fast, she learnt that it's not necessary to communicate and since she is playing by herself ALL THE TIME, this becomes HER WORLD. That's is why she is constantly in her own world. Because no one is playing her! It has formed part of her subconscious behaviour!!!
That is why you need to keep repeating to her to teach things and it will form the deep part of her subconscious mind and bring all the way to her adulthood, and possibly to her death, unless one practices awareness meditation. Then there is possibility of turning things around by wisdom. Coz by being aware, and Chinese call 定(stable awareness)，will 慧 (wisdom) arise. Now then I realised how important I am to her. I will form her character, her brain development, her methods of attaining something or letting go of something. No wonder Chinese have this saying: 小孩三岁定八十。this is really true.
Look at my hubby!! He is 40 now and STILL in his own world!! He was cared for by his mother the most and his mom was busy with coffeeshop that she hardly had time for him. And his mom wasn't the kind to play with babies. The old traditional type of thinking that babies don't need our attention. Throw them at one side can already. That is why until now he is HUGELY lacking in communication skills. He can't even answer properly without saying "huh". Everyday I have to repeat myself all day long just to talk to him. All because when he was young there is no one to teach him "what is communication"!
I'm shocked to find out how impactful our babyhood is!!! Unless my hubby practise awareness, he will never understand the extent of this! It's even gonna be useless if I say to him now because he don't understand it at all.
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