On 18/01/2013, Milo passed away around 9pm.
I still remember we took her from his house to see the vet in October 2012. She was very frail. Her eyes were clotted full of mucus that has dried up, even if we try to wipe it off, the mucus would come back within 10 minutes. Her legs were failing her, she could hardly walk. And she would sit in a small dark corner of the house, looking miserable.
Many a times I tried to get the family to take her to the vet, but it seems like most of them feel that Milo is too old, and if that is the case, perhaps they can put her to sleep. No way am I going to let them do that to her! I consulted a friend of mine, she is an animal lover, and thanks to her, I resolved to make Milo be better. So in October, under my endless persuasion, we finally manage to take her to the vet. She was diagnosed with Artities and weak heart.
After the vet, we fed her heart food and also her daily dose of vitamins. She gradually grew better. Soon she was prancing around. We were really happy to see her back in shape again. She also regained back her body weight - to a normal size dog. Even the brother who came over for Christmas was rather happily surprised that she could go back to being almost completely healthy again.
During Christmas, my mom and sis came over for the Christmas party we had at home. My mom saw the dog, and ask me if there is anyone in the house when we go work. I replied,"No one. Milo is alone at home."
"What? Then who feed her?" I was quite dismayed by this response. For quite a while, I have been feeling rather bad for leaving Milo alone at home. Our work hours prevented us from being at home for longer time. And often, after work, we went out to eat, making the hours that she was at home even longer. She would see us for around 10 - 15 mins at 8pm + in the morning, then she would have to wait until 8pm - 9pm before she can see us again. Thats long 12 hours of our absense.
"She only eats one meal a day." I replied quietly.
20 mins later, my sister asked me the same question. Again, she displayed a surprised of Milo being alone at home in her waking hours. And yet again. I feel the tug at my heart that perhaps I should put her back to his mom's house.
So happened that a few days after the new year, a singtel girl came over to our house to persuade me to sign up for fibre plan. I think Milo took a liking to her, because Milo usually bark at outsiders outside our gate, but Milo did not bark at her. And then, this singtel girl asked us the same question and the same reaction.
By now I am sure that I want to put her back. Of coz, I admit that I do want to be relieved a little of Milo's taking care of and fully concentrated on chanting. But when she was put by to his mom's place, I missed her constantly. And I thought of asking him to bring her back to our place, but at the thought of her being alone for most of the time, I couldnt bear to bring her back. Its too selfish of me to keep her, because I'm sure his family will miss her even more because she grew up with them. Keeping her with us, is like preventing them any contact with her.
But what I never knew is that one week later she would passed away. If that is the case, I would never have put her back. I thought she was healthy again. And since I have done my duty of nursing her back to health, its time I should put her back to her family again.
The last few days before we put her back, I noticed she was feeling very down, and constantly sitting down. Couple of time I wanted to feed her, she actually did not want to get up. Which is rather unusual. Even when I pushed her toy to her, she displayed no interest in her toy. But I thought maybe she felt really bored. So all the more I wanted her to have more company, and putting her back in his mom's house will do, because they usually have more people in the house to accompany her.
And on Saturday my JAL mates came over, and I insisted that Daniel bring Milo back, because I also cannot handle as a host to my JAL mates and have to tend to Milo. So at my insistence, Daniel brought her back to his mom's place. I didnt really say very long good bye to Milo. Though that day I did play with her happily on my lap.
Little did I know that one week later her little heart would stop beating.
For a week I have been having this headache.. ever since my JAL mates came over. I thought its the heat of the noise, and the constant chattering of my friends that I had a headache. But from that day, the headache never really went away. On thursday I fell sick. Apparently she stopped eating on Thursday night.
Then on Friday, Daniel called me to tell me that Milo wasn't eating. I thought she was just sick or something. He said that if she still do not eat anything, then he would bring her back on Sunday night. I agreed.
So on Friday I went for my usual work - after work I usually go to Hweesan. After an inspiring session, I was leaving for the mrt where I saw his msg,"Milo passed away."
I thought he was joking. I called him immediately and ask to meet him on the way to the cremation grounds in Pasar ris. While I was waiting for him at Hweesan's block, I quickly try to chant for Milo Amituofo. As I try to concentrate, I heard two distinct 'Norrott Norroott' sounds, like a dog snorting in the bushes behind me. I jumped up and quickly look behind me. The bushes behind were moving along with the wind quite ferociously.
And there was a small little part that seems to be moving more intensely then the rest of the bushes. I peered anxiously in it, expecting a cat to jump out of the bushes, but no cat came. The bushes were too thick to have any animal penetrate it. Besides, what I heard was a dog's snorts, definitely not that of a cat's. And it sound really close to me.. just right behind me. Milo, maybe you can stand in front of me next time and snort and don't scare me like that?
I try to calm myself down and try to go back to chanting. Around 15 mins later he arrived. Shortly after i got on the car, I asked Daniel if Milo's body was hard, or soft. He replied saying,"Very soft." Actually that means Milo has a good rebirth. I heaved a big sigh of relief. On the way to the cremation ground in Pasar ris, Tengouku, I called the owner to delay the cremation time. Milo passed away around 9pm plus, we manage to get the extension to the cremation to 8am in the morning. So around 11 hours before cremation. The owner was really nice. He knew we wanted to chant for Milo, but he needed to lock up the place, so he suggested Nian Fo Ji instead during the 6 hrs while we were not there. We stayed for around, chanting for Milo, while he went to his friend house to get Nian Fo Ji. As we sat there looking at Milo, and chanting, Daniel was tearing. I was still alright because I know I need to chant for her asap, for her good rebirth. So I tried and concentrated on chanting. She still looked very cute during her 'sleep'. During this time, I tried to touch the feet, and the feet was stiffening. What did it mean? Did it mean she had a bad rebirth after all? Im confused. Around 1 hour of chanting, the owner came back, to my surprised, he brought a radio instead of nian fo ji, and a few Buddhist songs discs. We tried a few, but none of them fits the bill. Suddenly I remembered that I have a CD given to me by Jian Xing Shi Fu, and its the nicest CD of Pureland music with birds, flutes and all. I went to my bag to try my luck if its there. Indeed it was. How lucky is Milo to have meet a nice owner for the pet cremation, and for me to have that CD on me at that point of time!
After we set the music for Milo, we tore away unwillingly. We reached home around 2am+. And agreed to be at the crematory grounds at 7am to chant another hour before the cremation of Milo.
Finally, at 8am, Daniel went to get the man for the cremation. As we kept crying and looking at Milo, the man patiently waited for us. Only given our permission did he lift Milo's body up to the cremation ground. When the man was lifting Milo's body into the crematory bin, Daniel commented that the body had already stiffened up. I looked and it was true. I still hope Milo can make it to Pureland.
We left the place around 8.20am on 19/01/2013. Went for some quiet kopitiam and food. And went back for the urn.
The next day, I heard Milo's stiffled bark. I turned around, but there was of coz, nothing there. Ever since then, I never hear Milo's sounds again.
One week later, I brought Daniel to Jian Xin ShiFu place, and we did some group chanting as well as some questions and answer to Milo's situation. Jian Xin Shifu said that the soft body is a good sign, but later on, stiffened up, so it is a bit hard to tell what is happening. And most cases that went up to Pureland, doesn't defacate. But sometimes they do too. So its again, hard to tell. If I want to know if Milo has gone up to Pureland, the only way is to ask her to 'tuo meng'. And hopefully I can know where she is through my dreams.
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