Emotional release from my parents

Quickly after my marriage, I got pregnant, and it was such a joy to know because we both were worried if we could have a baby easily. 3 months into my pregnancy, I began to hope for a boy, whereas my hubby preferred a girl. First scan showed signs of a boy's genitals. We were overjoyed. But it's short-lived as one week later, my blood test showed it's a female baby. I was disappointed. And to the point where all the stress I have been handling on the fact that "I'm having a boy" as holding up, crashes tumbling down. I cried for 2 whole hours, feeling v sad that it's not a boy. And other stress factors that my female friends were simultaneously giving me. But strangely at the same time, I felt a release of sadness and non-worth that I haven't felt in a long time. After the trigger, during our next check up, when the doc confirmed it's a baby girl, one more time I shed tears. Both times actually took me by surprise. Because I knew I wanted a boy, but I never knew that I WANTED IT SO MUCH. And why? There are various reasons but I can't put a finger to why I would react so big. I began to look back to my parents for any heditery insights. And rem that my mom used to tell me how she wanted to abort me because she did not want another child and how my father detested me because I was not a boy. Both these 2 feelings, of not being a boy; and sense of no-worth, was apparent in my 2 sessions of crying release. Each time after I cried, I felt better immediately. I think it's a release of emotions from my babyhood. I do hope I do not pass these emotions down to my beloved baby girl. So I'm trying to clear my emotions blockages as much as I can during this period of time. 

Emergence of the Divine Child

Right now I'm reading this book, Emergence of the Divine Child. Maybe this book is what I really need now, to put my perspective back into order. In this chaos and emotional ride, I know a new change is coming, and a big final one. 

Although life's lessons will never finish, I know with this I will cross a boundary that I have never cross before. And with excitement I wait. :) 

Relax and energy meditation

I chanced a very nice paragraph in Barbarajian. 

"Relax your body and clear your mind. Imagine a pillar of light flowing through your body and sending light fibers into Earth.

Picture these fibers being pulled down into Earth, moving through dirt and worms and other creatures, and passing through layers of soil, rock, water, minerals, crystals, and gold. Your fibers are going down very far. They are looking for a vein of gold, so continue to send them down until you feel that the taproot of your fibers has touched a vein of gold deep, deep in Earth - an ancient vein. Notice what it feels like.

Gold transmits a certain frequency. It is very deeply connected with the force and vibration you describe as love, the connective energy that supports all things. The gold and crystals inside Earth move this consciousness through Earth like your veins move blood through your body. Many creatures know about these veins and use them.

Do a very low, deep toning into the fibers of light that extend into Earth. Rumble and stabilize the light, sending energy along the vein of gold so that it travels around a core layer of Earth. Know that your sound is going to stabilize something deep within the core of Earth. Even in her heart, Earth will always recognize you and know who you are.

Once you have stabilized the taproot, create a higher pitched toning to extend a dome of light above where you are. This dome is an umbrella of energy under which you are currently being inspired. Picture a violet-blue twilight tone inside the dome, which is being showered with white moonlight on the outside.

Everything that you think, you energize into form.

So please, dear friend, free yourself from burdens and re-imagine Earth as a splendid place within existence. See yourself dwelling in harmony amidst the splendor."

Everything happens for a reason.

There are 3 sides to each story, yours, mine and the Truth.