Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Meditation with baby Tara

I just went into a very peaceful and deep meditation that I have never been before. It's serious, deep and yet beautiful and peaceful, all at the same time. It feels like it's Tara meditating inside me. 

I'm meditating with this Tibetian compassion mantra music from Imee Ooi - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=16A_neZPYuI&index=30&list=PLhguKEcu1KiMZxz0US2KQU9VSQXK7gNU1

Friday, October 23, 2015

Using power to be authentic with others

I have been thinking about the recent incident where my batch girl was talking about how some people preach Amituofo and yet got bad heart. So very ER Xin. And I took up the courage to ask if she was referring to me, and that I did admit that I don't have Amituofo heart and have many bad habits as well. In the end where she sounded surprised and say I overthink, I do think that is it wrong for me to clarify? Because honestly there aren't many people like me who are stonch believers in Buddhism. And likelyhood of her referring to me I personally feel could be quite high. Although that might not be true, but her reactions and words did raise some questions and doubts in my mind if she is referring to me, and I truly thought that if I speak up in a loving way, at least I'm honest with her and our relationship, which is an improvement from the past. Or that it's actually causing some drift in our conversation, because we all pretty much stopped talking after that. Lol. 

But today I recieved some angel guidance that I am indeed doing the right thing. :)





Thursday, October 22, 2015

Answer to my "Is Tara there?" Prayer

Recently I have been asking if Tara is still around.. Because I have been hit by a slight bout of negativity. And I also haven been reading Angel Therapy Handbook by Doreen Virtue. At first I was abit confused because I am a Buddhist. But while I am at Lapis lazuli and re borrowing the books, the store guy automatically clarified my questions without my asking. He told me that all these angels are also Guan Yin and Buddhas. Just different cultures. That's true hor? Because they serve the same purposes. So I decided to ask the angels for guidance about Tara~ I asked for actual answers to my question, because I haven't been able to use my clarity well and began to have some self-doubts about the answers I have been getting. Everything has been a "no". When I ask about Tara, or when I ask if anyone loves me, does my hubby love me, all answer is no. Which I know my hubby loves me so it's not true. Some entity or maybe my negativity has somehow affected my clarity and connection with the divine guidance. 

And yesterday while I was SMSing my batch girls, one of my batch girls say some things that made me feel like she is pointing fingers at me saying that I did not do what I preach and it's very er-xin. 
Although I did reacted in a friendly way, but the reaction from her I feel is not 100% friendly. So I had the sudden feeling to download angel cards down to my iPhone. I remembered that from the book Angel Therapy handbook that Doreen Virtue said that her life purpose is to make angel cards. So I searched for hers and downloaded it for free(trial). And through that, I learn to cut negative energetic cords with people whom I had some fears with in the past and present. And this morning when I was asking about my aura, I saw indigo blue with waves at my leg down and purple with soft edges the rest of the upper body. So I decided to look for more information. I came across this thing call Crsytal auras.

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/spiritualityandconsciousness/2012/10/crystal-and-indigo-aura-color-personalities/

Crystal and Indigo Aura Color Personalities


Crystals are rare. They have clear auras and are known as the “aura chameleons” because their auras will change colors to match those of the people they are around. They then take on the characteristics, emotions, and thoughts of that color personality. Consequently, when they’re healthy and balanced Crystals can get along well with almost anyone.

------------------------------------------

I thought this article is very interesting because I have never read about crystal people before. Although I definitely have read a lot about auras (or so I thought).

And just now when I decided to look for past , present and future cards from the angel cards, it showed me this.. Which quite amazes me.


So perhaps Tara is a crystal child.. Because I have never read about crystal aura before this.. I might be too when I was young though. And more often then not, I am usually affected by the emotions of the people around me. Even when now. So when I read this I suddenly felt that my prayers are answered. That indeed Tara is still around, because I am working with Tara, a crystal aura child. :) 







Vibrational match

"The vibration must be a match to do certain activities, engage with another person, or listen to certain music."

That's what came to my mind just now. When I was thinking of how my feelings guided me to share the link with Hailey about What Sweeter Music by John Gutter. And Hailey liked it and actually told me she will try and get her church choir to sing this song at the end of the year! Whereas in the morning I shared the link with my batch girls and both of them refused to open the link even! Haha. The vibrations are so vastly different. I guess when one watches and observes the reactions and own's feelings of guidance, one is better equipped as to when is appropriate to share certain things. In the beginning of my path it was difficult because I did not know who to share with and how. So there was a lot of obstacles and of coz my karmic blocks. Now that everything is slightly, just slightly clearer, I can see more aptly who, how, what, when to share certain stuff and how to let go when it doesn't vibrate with the other party. It's much easier and gentler to both sides. As no one like to be forced by other people's opinions. :) 

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Connection with the divine

This morning I was just worrying about how my divine connection is lost, or worse recieving the news that Tara baby is not around anymore.. I keep getting different answers, sometimes yes, sometimes no. It confuses and worried me a lot. Then I read this paragraph at the end of the day when I was traveling home from work:


I was indeed having very bad disturbances of consciousness. From one negative thought to another, leading to this "Is Tara still around?" Thought. And so on. Naturally fear crept in and I'm not sure if it's yes or no answer anymore as I start to doubt my own divine connection with every negative answer I get.. Eventually I see this in my The Angel Therapy Handbook. 


:)). I'm recieving guidance from above to my questions definitely. I just remembered I did ask for answers just this morning only. And spent the whole day listening to Green Tara and Om Mani Padme Hung chants. :))

Wednesday, October 07, 2015

Chanting for the wish and good will of everyone

I had my wedding this year January 2015. And as my HR told me, I have 3 days wedding leave to take for my wedding/vacation by one year's time. Naturally I was v happy and I saved the 3 days wedding leave and took one day annual leave for the day after my wedding. 

Fast forward to June, my HR suddenly tell me it's not correct to claim the wedding leave after the wedding. It would be considered as abuse of wedding leave. Fair enough, but feeling disappointed, I think.. Okay, just give me back my one day annual leave that I took right after my wedding. That would be considered as rightful use of wedding leave right? 

After several months of dily daly, I keep asking my HR for advice, and was this morning told that most likely they won't give me back my one day annual leave. Finally feeling pissed off, because it's only one day annual leave, I started to complain to my HR that I'm feeling pissed off and that I'm angry that the Japan side took so long to come to a decision. And it's so simple to give me back my one day AL but they made the process so long and draggy. In the meantime, I thought about my extra 2 months unpaid leave that I wanted to take after my maternity leave. Afraid that it would affect it, I started to let go, and think it's more impt for my 2 months unpaid to be approved. My HR reassured me that it will not affect that and that she will speak to our HR head. Suddenly I remembered that Lervander told me to chant for everyone's well wishes and everything to proceed smoothly, so I turned on Green Tara's chant and begin to dedicate the chant to those who will be in charge of my requests and chant for their well being. I sincerely wish that this one day AL problem will not bring trouble to everyone and make everyone unhappy. After all it's just one day's leave.. I rather see everyone be happy instead. I begin to relax and see the light of the problem. It's really quite funny, when my HR told me that I can still take my wedding leave, providing I can link it to my wedding still. I'm like... 他们在赠我huh? How to link to my wedding when it's already gone for almost a year?? Hahahaa I can't stop laughing. The whole situation suddenly felt very funny to me. Within mins, My HR called me and told me they approved to give me back my one day annual leave because I made noise. 

Wow! It's that effective!! Sincere chanting really bring about results that's almost instantaneous! Amazing! 

Pushing love away

If we slow down enough to be aware of our every movement, we might realised that we are far short of recieving love. A few symptoms that we are not recieving love well is;
1) when someone compliments you, immediately is rejected or say it's nothing at all
2) when someone is showing you concern, you flare up easily at that person instead
3) recieving gifts but feel very unhappy
4) recieving good guidance but ignoring it
5) continuing doing some habits or behavior that you know very well is not conducive to you and your well-being
6) thinking that it's always so "bad-luck" on your side and insisting that it will remain so
7) trying to do everything by yourself without recieving any support from others (in this way, we are closed off from recieving love from others, making ourselves a one man island)
8) complaining and picking on the person when the person does you a favor

All these signs are symptoms that we are pushing love away. Subconsciously we don't actually know HOW to recieve love. 
Most of the times it happens when we are young, when we experienced love, our love is taken away and it was unbearably painful. So, in order not to feel the pain again, we push love away, thinking that this way, we will never have to feel the pain again. But is this really working out for us? Really? We are afraid to feel unloved so we rather not known love at all? 

Once we learn to open ourselves up to the boundless possibilities of love, that we will began to recieve love in all ways. It's like your body is unblocked, and all the love energy gushes in from everywhere. And your surroundings will change along with the change in your subconscious thinking too. 

As one monk puts it, there is nothing call subconscious thinking. It's only a name in the western world. There are multi layers of mind, and some are buried deep within us, which he refer to very subtle thinking. For example, the intention to survive thus we breathe. These are very subtle that we don't normally notice it. Only very deep awareness (meditation in other words that we will be awareness of such intentions). Once it comes out to the surface, it's no longer buried deep inside.

As we began to open ourselves out we will began to recieve love. It's a wonderful feeling to know that there is ready love and support out there waiting for you to be opened up to it. :) 

Sunday, October 04, 2015

Loving yourself - how does Buddha do it?

There was a period of time I was in my journey of rediscovering myself. Things were not going well. My "best friend" was bullying me all the time, and my boyfriend was treating me badly too. It's a problem that had been going on for as long as I can remember. It came a breaking time where my "best friend" wanted to come over and stay at my new house as and when she likes it and my boyfriend actually welcomed it, that was the breaking point, that drove me to go deep into meditation and chanting. I dropped everything, including my "bestie" and my "boyfriend" and just concentrated into deep meditation. I even "dropped" the house that was pending our engagement certificate. Thinking back, I dropped it for around 1 year plus. And during that one year, many amazing things happened. 

Whist I was deep in my meditation routines, I contemplated. What did I do that was so wrong? Why is it I stayed with people who didn't know how to treat me right for 10 over years?  Why is it so easy for some people to find friends and boyfriends who loved them and treat them right, and yet I keep attracting those who doesn't? This question puzzled me and I kept on meditating. 

As a Buddhist, I try to make comparisons to Buddha, who is the awakened perfect being. Didn't Buddha sacrificed himself too? I remember the many lives that Buddha gave up to feed a hungry lion, or the time where the angry king sliced him to death and yet there was no anger in Buddha at all. 

I was trying to sacrifice myself too. By giving in to others, letting them have their way. I was trying hard to live the teachings. More often then not, I ended up being taken for granted. But there is a distinct difference, I realised. Is that I get really angry with people who try to take advantage of me. I can't stand it when my boyfriend ill-treats me, or miss our appointments, or anything small in particular. But I still try to forgive. It's an extremely tiring difficult process for me. At the same time, I won't take advantage from other people as well. Thus I feel angry if someone else try to take from me. From this I realised that I was able to give, because I wasn't taking at all. And why wasn't I taking? I would feel bad instantly if I took, and I would find all ways to compensate that. And the people who saw it, took advantage of it and stayed by my side because simply I would just let them. As I realised that for some, they would just walk off so easily from this type of relationship, simply because the vibrations don't match at all. To them, it won't even bother them a tiny bit. Just someone who try to take advantage. That's all. They would just walk on by. And yet I was constantly attracted to them. Strange as it sounds, I later realised that it's my "comfort zone". Somehow, in it's weirdest sense; it made me feel safe. And why is that so? I uncovered that this feeling comes from the time of my birth. When my mom had me in her stomach, she wanted to abort me. That feeling was the feeling a dejection; abandonment. And that's the first feeling I ever got to know. And being in my mother's womb, that somehow made me feel safe as well. Well, to say fairly, that's the first feeling that I know and it goes deep into my subconscious. If not for the deep and long retreats and meditation and chanting that I did, I would never have the "tools" to dig up my subconscious condition at birth. From then on I armed myself with the awareness that I don't know how to treat myself properly. After all, if my mom don't know how to treat me properly, how possible could I? 

But Buddha had no anger towards the king to slowly sliced him to death. I would quarrel w my bf if he was late for our appointment. How is this so big a difference? 

I begin to see how some people are more tolerant of others. And when they do it, it's really from the bottom of their heart. And often, it's a give and take situation. Sometimes I'm late for your appointment, and sometimes you are late for mine. There has to be some taking involved, before a person can fully give. In return, it means a person must love himself fully before he can give to others. This also makes us "one with the universe" where taking and giving are not counted and ever flowing. If we must take in order to give better, I thought, then the Buddha must really loved himself so much that he can give rise to no anger even when the king was slowly slicing him to death. Buddha took the love from everywhere until he can give to such a limitless flow of love. It's so vastly different from me. Anything that other people took advantage of me I took it as a way of them stepping on my self-esteemed literally. And I try to fight back (in my own way) to reclaim what I feel it's my self-esteem. If my self-esteem was full, I won't need to fighting back. As there is nothing to fight. And I won't be seeing these people as stepping on my self-esteem. And these people would be out of my vibration. 

True enough, after the realization of how I don't know how to love myself, my vibration changed. I was able to leave my "bestie" in a good manner, and my then bf too. But my bf came back in a way where he completely changed. He began to see me in a new light, and he waited for me patiently while I rediscover myself. Our relationship took to a whole new level, that I never imagine we could be so wonderful together. Once my inner vibrations changed, my outer surroundings changed by itself too. It's really been amazing. And I tribute thanks to all the people who had been involved in this "drama". For without you all, I won't be pushed into self-discovery. And how it changed my whole life. :) 

Thursday, October 01, 2015

Learning to accept and love our feelings like a friend

I realised just how many of us are cut off from our feelings and emotions. Usually when one is having a "negative" feeling, one tries to cut that off immediately by either trying to change the feeling or denying the feelings. But it's these denying of feelings that will lead to many emotional blockages later, as these feelings are suppressed and not let out. 

I just saw a video of Teal Swan teaching how to process our feelings and let it naturally transform.


This is very important for all of us. That we learn to love and accept all feelings of ourselves. Essentially, they are only informants that teach us about our emotions state of mind. Like a mosquito bite will have swollen part n feel itchy. It's just so that it can bring attention to the part and let us be aware and learn to heal ourselves. Running away from negative emotions is gonna stop the healing process. What we deny, we cannot heal.